Heard in my World
Ring Ring
"Mom?"
"Hi Deena!"
"Um, I forgot the flower for science class."
"Hmmm, you also forgot your retainer yesterday. And your permission slip on Monday."
"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, Mom."
"I'll be in at 9:30."
"Thanks Mom."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I don't usually enable my children. But lately I've been so disorganized myself, I feel it's hard to expect organization from them.
Do you have any words of advice for me?
UPDATE: Thank you for weighing in on this. On the way home from a birthday party on Saturday, I talked to Deena about my expectations of her. And I explained that I won't be bringing to school the things she forgets. She was very mature about it and seemed to understand completely.
"Mom?"
"Hi Deena!"
"Um, I forgot the flower for science class."
"Hmmm, you also forgot your retainer yesterday. And your permission slip on Monday."
"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, Mom."
"I'll be in at 9:30."
"Thanks Mom."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I don't usually enable my children. But lately I've been so disorganized myself, I feel it's hard to expect organization from them.
Do you have any words of advice for me?
UPDATE: Thank you for weighing in on this. On the way home from a birthday party on Saturday, I talked to Deena about my expectations of her. And I explained that I won't be bringing to school the things she forgets. She was very mature about it and seemed to understand completely.
posted by Kelly Curtis at
8:51 AM
5 Comments:
Stop. Immediately. As a teacher and a mother, you are setting them up to fail, or at the very least, depend on others for the rest of their lives. Trust me. I have a brother, whose daughter (teenager) cannot think, act, or feel for herself. She follows others because she was trained to be dependent.
By
Anonymous, At
12:39 PM
Our kids have to be very independent here and we still jump in to help from time to time. I'd say you should help out unless there is a pattern developing in one particular area. I think you are better off helping the first time and explaining the consequences that will follow if it happens again. Good luck!
By
Harbormaster, At
12:50 PM
Oh man. Yeah. First day of school, mine left her lunchbox in the refrigerator. That I attributed to it being the first day of school. BUT she has a really bad habit about remembering forms or homework at 8:14 when the bus picks her up at 8:15. And when I tell her that it will have to wait until the following day, she goes ballistic, and starts crying. Which then looks EXCELLENT when she is climbing up on the bus with red eyes. That happens a LOT, actually. She just thinks that I have everything under control. And when she realizes that I am not there to be her homework keeper, or her library book finder, that just upsets her even more.
The person that I have to really enforce non-enabling activity with is my husband! He ALWAYS does things for the kids, and I have to tell him to stop!
By
Knitting Maniac, At
2:50 PM
I work with many ADHD kids and they need organization and someone has to teach it to them. Parents should not enable but do need to work with them and help them learn. I also took things to my kids when they forgot. After many years of color coding folders, etc. they graduated and are doing well. Are they organized, not really, but they learned from their mistakes and will take responsibility. We all do thing differently.
You need to find what works best for each person, what their learning style is, what "rewards" work for them if they remember.
Its a life time of learning with your kids and then you get your spouse and it starts all over again!!
By
Anonymous, At
5:23 PM
I'm afraid I have no advice to offer, just sympathy. I'm disorganized myself and I'm sure Snuggle Bug will be too as he grows older. Good luck with that!
By
Overwhelmed!, At
7:30 PM
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home