Skills for Listening to your Kids

I think it's a natural tendency to believe the most important part of communication is the "talking" part. But that's really not true. The way we receive messages can sometimes play a more valuable role, than the way we send them.

Much of the coursework for my MS in Counseling was related to listening skills. Although I don't always practice these skills, I'm a much more effective parent when I do. We aren't naturally groomed to respond this way as parents (particularly numbers 4-6), so I thought it might be helpful to share a few "active listening" techniques that help to improve communication with kids. (And adults!)

1. Eye contact -- If you're looking into your kids' faces, they know you're "with them".

2. Minimal encouragers -- subtle expressions, verbal or non-verbal, like a nod of the head, or "mmm-hmmm", or "interesting". Minimal encouragers help to keep the conversation continuing, without interrupting the flow.

3. Clarifying -- asking a specific question to encourage your child to expand on their thought, so that you understand completely. "Really? How did..."

4. Paraphrasing -- subtly repeating what they just said. "So math was fun, but you forgot your homework."

5. Reflecting -- guessing at feelings. "Sounds like you were pretty mad at Mr. Johnson..."

6. Silence. Sometimes they don't need anything from you but to listen without interruption.

What helps you listen to your kids??

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